One Isn't A Lonely Number

I had a tough day at work today. True I've had worse, but when you have to take a 5 minute break because you're crying, it's pretty tough. I had been putting off going to my favourite little bar downtown partly because I had no one to go with and the other reason was because I was too lazy once I was done work at 8. I decided that I would go tonight. No excuses. I needed a glass of wine and just to relax...and not at home.

Once my decision was made I asked a couple of people if they would join me, hoping that one would say yes. I never got a no answer from either but decided I don't care, I'm still going to go. My work day finally ended and I got a ride to my spot. Went in, sat at a table (not at the bar - my dad taught me that ladies don't sit at the bar) and ordered my white wine. I don't normally drink white wine, but every so often I crave a semi sweet white wine. Tonight was one those nights. I ordered a cheese and meat board with chicken liver and thyme and mullet.

My meal for one was exquisite. I thoroughly enjoyed my company. I didn't take the chance to think deeply about anything that was floating on my mind. I didn't take the time to sit and plan what I would do with my life. I just sat back and relaxed, let myself unwind and let myself be at peace. The spot soon got a bit too crowded for my liking so I finished up my meal and headed home. A lovely stroll in the snow while I told myself a story built on possibilities. After all, those are the stories I believe in the most.

It truly was an enjoyable time. I'm glad I'm not afraid to spend time alone, with myself. I'm not scared or embarrassed of having a table set for one. And I know someone probably looked at me and said to themselves poor girl has no one to keep her company, which is actually the contrary to the situation. I'm sitting there going lucky me, I get to enjoy my silence.

Let Yourself

Let yourself be 

inspired 

to create, 

to express, 

to be.

New Year. New You.

It's January 1st 2013. Happy New Year.

All around the world there are people celebrating, hoping, praying and possibly dreading a new beginning, a new opportunity, a new life. I've never been big on New Years, usually hate it because I sit and think "Well Shani, what have you really done with your life? Hmmm NOTHING!" This year I was working so I guess I didn't have much time to be my usual cynical and slightly depressed self. But seeing everyone else's excitement made me think as I often do.

Each day should be a "new" for you. Why wait until January 01st to do something. Every day that you are alive and able is a day of new opportunity, a day of growth. Every day is a new day to try something new, to get better at something, to become a better person. I don't wait for January to say I'm going to stretching every morning, or I'm going stop drinking regular milk (as much as possible) and start drinking almond milk instead. No. If I feel like I'm ready for the change today or tomorrow or seven months, twenty one days, three hours and forty nine seconds from today, I'll make it on that day. There's no need to procrastinate your greatness. Make the change in the moment as you think of it.

Challenge yourself constantly to grow, to change for the better, to be stronger not just physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically as well. Challenge yourself to become the person you've always dreamed you could be.

Why wait for a new year when you can have a new day!

-Empress Vee.

The Girl With The Tattoo

She clutches to this imagination, a belief that he is someone he is not;

that he's someone he doesn't want to be.

She clutched to the hope,

to the illusion,

to her false comforts

of Him existing.

Superimposing her wishes 

from her mind's projector unto his wall

her eyes are blinded

her mind clouded

her thoughts - dreams.

She wants to wake up and see the truth

but she knows not how to let go of her fantasy.

She knows not how to see reality and not her dreams.

Life has become so dull that she can't bare to live in it without

those false comforts,

those illusions

those desires.

Inspiration To Explore

Well I've surely been MIA recently. I've just been focusing on finishing my undergraduate degree and staying out of the limelight at Trent. My days for being a socialite at the school are long gone. I'm enjoying my retirement from it, although some people expect me to still be in it. Anyways, on to better things.

On December 1st I went to Rochester, New York to participate in a North American Indigenous Culture Exhibition. The exhibition was entitled Changing Hands: Art Without Reservation 3.  It was my first time in Rochester and I must say from what I saw the city is beautiful. It has a rich arts culture and not just an indoor one in terms of exhibitions at the museum or art galleries but street art is alive and visible.

The exhibition was amazing. Although I did not go through every single exhibit, the ones I did stop by were very interesting. It rekindled my desire to explore not only my own art form but others as well. I felt inspired to explore my own Saint Lucia culture a bit deeper as well. Although this may not be possible any time soon, it would be interesting to host or be a part of a team of persons who can make something similar happen. It would a great opportunity to work with current and upcoming artists to hone the skills of newer ones and with time create the exhibition. My vision for it would be one that is so renowned and amazing that it would even travel the Caribbean and possibly the world! I should get started on that. Start looking at who I could collaborate with to develop the idea and then present it to the necessary bodies in Saint Lucia that can further develop and expand on it. A look at not only traditional but contemporary Saint Lucian art.

What do you think about this idea? How could I make it happen? Feel free to share a comment down below! Thanks for reading

-Shani V.

Show Me Your Friends...

Surround yourself with people who will 

uplift you, 

encourage you 

and 

motivate you. 

It's so easy for us to get bogged down with comfortable people. I'm talking those people we've known for ages, or we've just grown accustom to having in our close proximity. 

Sometimes we need to take a step back and look critically at these people - are they still (or ever did) serve their purpose in our lives? Are we holding on to relationships that hinder our progress? 

Everyone comes into your life for a good reason. Not everyone deserves to stay in your life. Ultimately you make the choice as to who stays and who goes. It doesn't make sense for you to chase someone down and that person constantly hurts you. Let them go. It doesn't make sense for you to keep that person around yet still as soon as they're gone you're relieved and relaxed, able to be yourself and be happy. Get rid of them. It doesn't make sense to keep that person who you keep giving your all to but won't give you a thought. Leave them down. No space on your minivan of life for that!!

Instead find people who uplift, encourage and motivate you. I've come to learn that this does not mean surround yourself with people who enable you. Having friends that enable you are just as detrimental if not worse than those that are just dead, useless weight. Have friends that are critical, smart, and look out for your best interest. Friends who aren't afraid to tell you "hey you're forming the ass now" or "No...you're not doing that because it's a stupid idea and in the end you're gonna regret you did it." Surround yourself with people who have a great vision for themselves and want to surround themselves with equally or more greatness.

In the words of the great Tess M J. "...and with that I resign."

-V

Equity Exists

I am a bit disgruntled while typing this, nonetheless I believe that there are some valid points in this post.

Don't give more than you receive.

Could this be any truer? It is easy for some people to give their all in every situation. Some people see potential and believe they should help everyone develop their potential. But is this really the way to survive in this world??

I hate to tell you this but no. Don't waste your time. You seeing potential doesn't mean that the potential sees it in him/herself or in the situation. By giving your all because you see the potential only sets you up for great disappointment when the moment is not seized and milked for it's worth. And what's worse is when you try to pump more energy, more time, and more effort into making it work...let go. It's. Not. Going. To. Work.

Save yourself the headache, heartache and any other ache that may come along and be a little selfish every once in a while. Actually, a little more than once in a while. Understand that some times taking risks are great, but know that not every risk is worth taking.


-V

Let The Reading Continue!

After much wait, or at least what seemed like FOREVER!! I finally got my Kobo Mini (e-reader). I am thoroughly impressed and excited to have it. I have purchased a few e-books and have been reading once again on the bus and even in bed. I would recommend an e-reader whether it be a Nook, Kobo, Kindle, or whatever to someone who loves reading or wants to get into reading. They are slim enough to slip into almost any bag (depending on the size) and are easy to use. The only thing is the version I have doesn't have a back light and so I would need a separate light source if I were reading in the dark or on a late night bus from Toronto or something. But apart from that, I LOVE IT!!

I posted the following question on my Facebook wall - WANTED: Suggestions for books to read. I got a few replies, some of which I don't think are along the lines of the books I want to read, others definitely captured my interest. Here is a list of some of the books suggested (including those I probably won't read):

• The Skin I'm In by Sharon G. Flake
• The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt
• The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
• The Other Boleyn Girl
• The Hunger Games Series
• Earth's Children (a series of books) by Jean Auel
• Eva Luna
• A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
• So Long A Letter by Mariama Ba
• The Lion and The Jewel by Wole Soyinka
• Girl With A Pearl Earring
• Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom.

Have you read any of these books or have a suggestion for a book I should read? Let me know by leaving a comment below! Also feel free to look up and start reading any of these books yourself!

Happy Reading

-V

What's The Plan

This is something I have been struggling with for many years - what do you want to be when you grow up? True some would say I am already grown, but I don't feel like it.

I was reading Steve Harvey's book "Act Like A Lady - Think Like A Man" and in the book he says there are 5 questions a woman should ask a man to know if he's a keeper or if she should grab her purse and run. The first question is where do you see yourself in 5 years (i.e. what are your short term goals)? True I was reading the book to understand how to interact with males and get one to be mine - mwhahaha!! But the book made me question myself as well. I mean how terrible would it be for me to sit grilling a guy about where he wants to be in 5 or 10 years time and I have no idea where I want to be?! He'll get the red flag and head straight for the door.

Another minor event happened to encourage the thought process on what my short and long term goals are. My friend Bee and I were having a conversation about work and we discussed where I currently work and how much I make. I don't make minimum wage - and that is a blessing. Anything about $11 is wonderful in my mind, if you get enough hours. Anyway, in the conversation Bee says she can't wait to be making $30/hr or more. The gong went off in my mind. I had never thought about making so much money despite what job I thought I would be doing. Another part of Steve's book came to mind. I'm not going to quote what part, go read it for yourself and figure it out. But on a serious note, it was another part of the book that could have been applied to myself. What am I worth? How much do I think I should be making in my desired job? This I think helps to hone in on exactly what you want to do, how you want to do it and how much you want to get for your hard work.

So of course, I sat with my pen and paper (diary in this case) and thought long, deep and hard about what I want to do, where I see myself and how long it's going to take me. Two weeks ago, if you asked me what is my dream job I would tell you I want to be an Environmental Educator and that's it. Today I am able to sift through that fluff of a title and break it down further, pin pointing exactly what I want to do.

I want to be something similar to a curriculum officer but not on the Ministry of Education side. I want to work with businesses and organisations such as a water company, energy company, landfill, etc. in connection with schools, youth groups, churches, community organisations to develop programming/activities/curriculum for the businesses and organisations that I work with to get their environmentally friendly message out there and into the community. For example, let's say I work with a water company and the country, city, whatever (depending on where I am in the world) celebrates October as the month of Water, I would create a month long programme of activities that would help persons know more about the water in the community, how to use water efficiently, how the water gets from the source to the user. The same would apply if I worked for a recycling plant and the month of June was recycling month. A month long series of activities would be created not only for students (although focusing more on the youth) to get persons involved and aware of what really happens when we recycle, don't recycle properly, what to look for in materials before buying them, etc. The title I want is Community Environmental Outreach Manager.

So that is my long term goal. I'm still working on fine tuning the short term goals to help me get that direction. That will be another post possibly.

What are some of your short and long term goals? Feel free to share with me in the comments below!

Thanks for reading!
-V

What's I'm Reading Now

I have a lovely tab here that is for the book(s) I have read and am reading. Knowing all along that I did not read enough I challenged myself to read more. To add a bit of accountability I decided to add the tab on the blog so I (and others) can see my progress. I haven't gotten very far in expanding my list, but I'm honestly fine with that. I'm still reading though.

I started the challenge by reading on the bus to and from school. It's about a 10 minute bus ride and once I on the bus (and had a seat because goodness knows attempting to hold a book, read and keep my balance was not going to end well) I whipped out my book and read for the 10 minutes. If I traveled twice in the day then that was 20 minutes of reading. If I traveled more then that was more reading for me. I found that when I got to the interesting parts of the book I would read and walk or even read before bed. Now that I take the bus for 40 minutes twice a day I get a lot more reading done and I'm quite happy with that. It's become such a habit that I finished the last book I was reading and the next day I got another one to read. My hands felt very idle and I felt bored on the bus even with my cell phone and my mp3 player.

The book I am now reading I chose from my housemate simply because it had not cover. Just a black hardcover book sat in the pile. I read the side of the book to see the title and said hmmm okay let's do it. I'm now realising that not having a sleeve or cover keeps me reading this one because I have no clue as to what the book is about. I'm expecting a plot of murder and mystery and thus far it's not proving to be that. I have no idea which direction the book is going to go in. And as I've gotten so far without looking up the book I don't want to spoil it by searching for reviews of it. Next time I surely will choose one with a sleeve.

If you're able to stomach it I would recommend reading on the bus or in a vehicle while traveling especially if you travel daily. If you're not able to stomach it I would recommend 10 minutes before bed every night or during lunch or after dinner. Set aside just 10 minutes and you can use an timer to time yourself if you're that busy and just read. Indulge and become engrossed in a book of your choice.