Different

It's been a very long time since I've typed a blog post. Maybe I will, maybe I won't revive the blog. Regardless, I wanted to put some ponderings down on electronic paper. I don't even know if people, apart from the governments, read this.

I've began a reading challenge that hopefully will not die. At least for 2015, every month I am going to read at least one book. Each month I am going to ask one trusted friend to suggest one book that friend believes I should read. It can be a book on anything. I will try my level best to complete the book. I'm also assuming that if they think I SHOULD READ THIS BOOK then I will have no problem reading the book.

Book #1 for this personal challenge is The Alchemist.

 So far, it's a very lovely book. It definitely makes me happy to start this personal challenge.

Sometimes you have to do something different. Different doesn't have to be extravagant. Different just has to be...different.

I Dream

I dream of love.

As the old time love songs play on (because really this new age "love song" isn't talking about the same type of love as the old age love song) I can't help but think I dream of love. A love that is tried and true, honest and strong. I dream of a love that isn't found perfect but is made perfect through hard work, patience and God's mercy.

Often I wonder if I will ever find such love, or I wonder if the one I am to love and be loved by has been met. My mind is always in overdrive, especially when this topic rolls around. I wonder if I was even raised to be successful in love. Who knows. Who knows.

In the meantime, I dream of love.

A Look Back

It's December and I'd like to pretend I am able to look back all the way from January at my most memorable moments this year...the truth I can't remember that far back on my own. Maybe if I have a conversation with some friends their memories will help to fill in mine and vice versa. I should try to change that in the new year. Oh well.

There are a few moments I remember quite vividly this past year that are worth celebrating:

• I graduated from university! Earlier in the year I would have said "I finally graduated from university" but I think that is a fairly negative statement to make about myself. Instead I am choosing to change the tone of the sentence and be more positive, celebrating the journey as well as the destination. See what I did there. The power is in your hand to be positive or negative about life's situations.
• I was able to celebrate my 26th birthday with family and friends, creating some lovely memories and laughter.
• I participated in a community dance project with a famous Montreal based dancer (so grateful for the opportunity!! Still rather excited about it). To get feedback about my dancing and to even learn about myself as a person, not just a dancer was amazing.
• I had to deliver some very sad news to many loved ones. But even in a time of sorrow, happy memories were made. Went to my first baseball game! Pretty lovely experience. Next goal is a hockey game. Even if I may not be able to see the puck I'm sure I'll have a grand time hahaha.
• This I took a plane and did not shed a tear. Every time I fly I always, always always always cry on the flight especially during take off and landing. One of the hardest flights to take because I had to pack up my life and move unexpectedly and not necessarily to greener pastures or better opportunities, but I did it and shed not one tear. I know the next flight I take I'll be asked to get off the plane because I'll be crying so much hahahaha. Jokes.
• I celebrated my first Saint Lucian Christmas after 5 years of being away from home. What a wonderful experience just being with family and family friends.
• Believe it or not, I had my first bite of black cake in my life this year. Still don't think I'll be eating it like crazy but hey, I tried it.

Those are just some of the many awesome and difficult things I had to deal with this year. I am thankful for all that happened and pray that 2013 closes peacefully. I also pray that 2014 opens with a grand celebration even if only mentally, for I know it is going to be a fabulous year for me!

Cheers

_V

Show Me Your Friends...

Surround yourself with people who will 

uplift you, 

encourage you 

and 

motivate you. 

It's so easy for us to get bogged down with comfortable people. I'm talking those people we've known for ages, or we've just grown accustom to having in our close proximity. 

Sometimes we need to take a step back and look critically at these people - are they still (or ever did) serve their purpose in our lives? Are we holding on to relationships that hinder our progress? 

Everyone comes into your life for a good reason. Not everyone deserves to stay in your life. Ultimately you make the choice as to who stays and who goes. It doesn't make sense for you to chase someone down and that person constantly hurts you. Let them go. It doesn't make sense for you to keep that person around yet still as soon as they're gone you're relieved and relaxed, able to be yourself and be happy. Get rid of them. It doesn't make sense to keep that person who you keep giving your all to but won't give you a thought. Leave them down. No space on your minivan of life for that!!

Instead find people who uplift, encourage and motivate you. I've come to learn that this does not mean surround yourself with people who enable you. Having friends that enable you are just as detrimental if not worse than those that are just dead, useless weight. Have friends that are critical, smart, and look out for your best interest. Friends who aren't afraid to tell you "hey you're forming the ass now" or "No...you're not doing that because it's a stupid idea and in the end you're gonna regret you did it." Surround yourself with people who have a great vision for themselves and want to surround themselves with equally or more greatness.

In the words of the great Tess M J. "...and with that I resign."

-V

Equity Exists

I am a bit disgruntled while typing this, nonetheless I believe that there are some valid points in this post.

Don't give more than you receive.

Could this be any truer? It is easy for some people to give their all in every situation. Some people see potential and believe they should help everyone develop their potential. But is this really the way to survive in this world??

I hate to tell you this but no. Don't waste your time. You seeing potential doesn't mean that the potential sees it in him/herself or in the situation. By giving your all because you see the potential only sets you up for great disappointment when the moment is not seized and milked for it's worth. And what's worse is when you try to pump more energy, more time, and more effort into making it work...let go. It's. Not. Going. To. Work.

Save yourself the headache, heartache and any other ache that may come along and be a little selfish every once in a while. Actually, a little more than once in a while. Understand that some times taking risks are great, but know that not every risk is worth taking.


-V

A Beautiful Mind

There is a world beyond just physical attraction. A world when conversations stimulate brain cells and leave one thirsty for more knowledge. There is a world beyond hot, sweaty bodies moving rhythmically in the dead of the night (or in the middle of the day). A world where emotions are explored and personalities are discovered.

In such a highly sexual age and highly technological age, there's something to be said about people who desire physical interactions, those who book face time...and not the app kind. There is only so much you can say about yourself with words. And then there's so much more you say with your actions, reactions, emotions, body language, and etc. 

I happen to admire persons who still want to practice the art of reading and deciphering body language. I admire and appreciate people who want to spend time talking and getting to know each other. I admire people who can have mentally stimulating conversations. Clearly there's a lot about me you don't know. I suggest get to know me before you make your assumptions, because for sure they're only making an ASS out of U and not me.

Keep Your Eyes On The Prize

I lose focus easily. I will admit to it. I get distracted extremely easily. A number of times I begin something, full of vigour and excitement. A breeze passes with a different tune and I want to drop everything to follow that new tune. Clearly that's not going to get me very far in life. I'll be dancing around like a crazy person with no sense of direction.

There's quite a bit on my mind right now, much of which I can't just spill the beans about, but what I will say is I'm fighting to remain focused. My mind and heart have a way of tricking me into thinking the new breeze is where I want to be, but my gut is saying "You know what happens when you lose focus...eventually you get hurt and/or disappointed and come back to that original tune. So why stray in the first place?" Which is true. I'm trying to look at the big picture and not at any one tiny speck, for fear that I let that speck overpower the actual picture.

Remain focused on your prize. If you feel yourself slipping take a moment to rethink all the emotions involved. Is this the right thing for me to do? Should I continue on my current path or should I change? Answer honestly and take your time to answer. Once the decision is made, hop to it!

-The Empress

Procrastination

I'm not even sure what's the point of this post. I'm telling you this from the start. I'm on a break from trying to complete a research paper before I begin studying for an exam. I'm trying very hard not to procrastinate, or at least do it as little as possible. Who invented the word procrastination? Maybe if there were no word there would be no action...good rationale don't you think? Procrastination is the demise of many students and even adults. We learn our lesson in the moment and once that moment has past it is lost. So maybe we never learn our lesson at all?? Procrastination...

Okay, no more procrastinating for me. I'm off to do some work. Toodles!

Relationships

Disclaimer: I am no expert...heck I don't even have legit experience lol. I'm just talking (well typing what's on my mind). If anything doesn't seem to flow, I apologize. I'm a bit of a scatter brain at times.

I came across this website Facts About Boys and found some of the things I looked at a bit interesting. My good friend Ashni posted on her blog (Struggles of the Strong) asking why do guys start getting into a girl and then plap just stop calling and the Facts gave some good indicators to know when a guy has rejected you (I find rejected such a harsh word, but that may be because it happened to me lol). I found it quite humourous actually, that the first indicator of you've been rejected is "he stops calling you/returning or replying to your messages." Okay. Wow. Ouch. Slap in the face much? Yea, it is. I don't get why people aren't open and honest. What if I'm a bit slow and suffer from Delayed Reaction Syndrome and hence pick up on these things a bit later than other people?!? Why can't you just say hey I've got what I wanted, I'm out. Or conversely, I'm just not that into you anymore.

Sometimes I think it's easy for me to say that because I'm a lot tougher (at least in my mind) than a lot of other girls who can't handle the harsh, point blank truth. I don't really like people watering down things or buttering it up. Sometimes the cold hard truth is best. So maybe there's some guy out there who's reading this shaking his head saying these women don't know what they want. It's not that we don't know what we want, it's just that we're all different lol. How does a guy know which woman can handle to point blank truth, and which one can't? Sigh. I guess you pay attention and see how tough they are. But that entails actually paying full attention to them, getting to know them, and that still might lead to pity for getting so far along and then ploop, dropping them. Relationships are complicated. And some people are snakes.


Well that's all the blabbering I'll be doing today. What are your thoughts on my randomness (if it makes any sense at all :S I need to work on that for real). How do you decipher who to be frank with and who needs to have tricks and pointers thrown at them?


The Empress

False Witness

Show of hands, how many people hate liars? I know I do! The primary reason why I hate liars is because I feel like my trust has been taken for granted. When I converse with someone I speak the truth or maybe I should say I try not to lie, and hence I assume that the person I am conversing with is also telling the truth/trying not to lie.

I think this is a very crucial point especially when you've just met somebody. Tell me, how the frankincense are you going to lie to me about simple things when you're trying to establish a bon/relationship with me? Now I don't mean relationship like man-woman-lovers relationship, I'm talking interaction between people relationship. I met this guy recently and he seemed cool and all. We've been talking quite a bit, can't wait to meet up again, rae-tay-tay (blah blah blah in other words) and then I find out this guy lied about something as simple as a Facebook account.....O_o yes, I said it - A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT! What ya got to hide bud?? He said he didn't have one and I immediately said cool. I know a few people who don't have Facebook accounts so that's normal to me. But somehow it didn't sit well with my gut. A few weeks later I randomly decided to search his name. Figured it would be interesting to see the other people in the world that had his name (yes I actually, genuinely believed that...I google my friends all the time - no I'm not creepy ]=  ) then lo and behold, his profile shows up with a picture of him so I can't say maybe it was someone else lol. How do you think I felt? How would you feel?!?! Interesting... Of course I get on edge and begin to doubt everything this guy's said to me. My trust in you has immediately been  broken and luckily for you partially lost. I don't think this guy realises how hard it is to get my trust back, but I continue. So I call him out on it and I get some excuse about him not using it much. I still don't buy in although I answer alright, cool cool to him. My mind is wondering what are you trying to hide?? Then he confesses he lied about his age and is actually 5 years younger than he originally said. I let that slide. Age is but a number, but this still doesn't change the fact that I think you're shady. Then he asks me what lies do I have to fess up to...-_- excuse me?? I enjoy a good laugh and good prank so I said I was actually born a man and had a sex change 3 years ago. Of course this guy probably shit his pants. Then I quickly told him it was a joke (see the difference). I also let him know that I don't lie.

Even after that confession session, I am still having doubts about this guy. I still cannot trust him completely. I'm not dismissing what has happened because my gut tells me there's something not right, something untrue, but still I'm not sending him packing. What am I not seeing? I want to know!!

How would you react if you were in my shoes? What do you think I should do? Leave a comment below and remember to check back for a response =)

Remember:

If you have nothing to hide, why lie?

The Empress 

Real Talk

I know we agreed to not talk about this again but I need to clear my chest so I can move on.

I know it, yet still I do contrary. After 8 years of being there for me, of frustrating me, almost getting me in trouble, making me laugh, smile and turning red like a tomato, you would think I would get it. You would think you would get it.

I don't know what to do. I want to love you and give you all of me...but the more I try and the more I think about it, the more I am beginning to think that maybe it shouldn't be. You love me for me. You see my genius, my brilliance, my beauty, my splendor, yet still I don't see half of what you see and I try to change like a sheep to please you.

We can't get married; not now, not soon. It's not that I don't love you, I do, and maybe I love you too much. But the reason why it can't happen is because I will never be happy, if now. I'm too fragile and malleable at this point and you need a rock, Xena Warrior Princess. Until that point when I can handle my own and be a strong woman not around everyone - just around you, then and only then will we be able to join in a union.

Having you end the argument is not the way for us to do things. It doesn't mean that I won. Getting you mad or flustered is not winning. This is not winning.

Sigh. Our relationship is frustrating me. I want it to work for me.

So much to learn. So much room to grow.

Your Nefertiti

The Jury Is Still Out

I'm still trying to decide what to do with my blogs. I currently have THREE and I think something needs to go. My latest blog is geared towards my major - an avenue to develop my professional opinion and share it with the world. I think that one is not working for me. It doesn't feel like the right move to make. Instead I could just use this blog to discuss such topics, so I might just delete that blog. And my fashion blog...it hasn't been really active either, but I'm not sure I want to transfer my fashion ideas to this blog. ARG!!! So many decisions!!

What do you suggest? What do you think I should do?

Fear of the Desired

One of my dearest friends from university has said many times "one day I'm going to be famous" and today I got the great news that she is well on her way to doing that (and not in a scandalous way). I couldn't have been happier for her. This is something that she has desired for quite some time and has worked towards as well. Her mission being fulfilled slowly before her but visibly has made me wonder why am I afraid to live my dreams?

I can't say I'm a genius...actually I will say I'm NOT a genius, I'm just a lady with an opinion. Some times my opinion makes sense and other times it doesn't. Through out my years I have had wonderful dreams and aspirations that I have wanted to achieve but for some reason I never seem to get there. Having my friend, who is younger than me, see an opportunity, take a risk and get through should inspire me to take the bull by the horns and go for it. But I'm not. I'm no longer striving for excellence or greatness. I'm becoming more and more content with barely getting by. A part of me wants to be that highly self-motivated person but as if that desire is a lot weaker than me being satisfied with what I'm not really doing.

How do I get back in that position of yes I can, yes I can, yes I WILL!? I give motivational pep talks to all my dearest friends but I cannot take my own advice or even take theirs and let go of comfort and take risks. I have this master plan which is bound to be breath taking when you think about it, but somehow I'm not behind it wholeheartedly. Something is wrong here, if I can create this and not have the desire to see it through to the end, blood, sweat and tears. What am I afraid of? What really am I afraid of?


I do apologize if this post is a bit all over the place, and if I've asked the same question 20 times. I'm going to try to do a reflection and get to the root of this, find a way to motivate myself and get off my bum.

Dancing Words

Dance to the rhythm to the music to the beat.

Let your feet wiggle to the groove to the boogy to the beat.

Down your spine you are mine you groovy rhythm groovy bass groovy tweet-
aerodynamically shaped
i move with the rythym with the boogie with the beat
to the tweet and the tit and the chit and the bomp and bah,
aha, oh yes, to the left to the left
and hold it,
freeze.






To the right to the right shuffle turn to the right.
you are mine you are mine away we go into the night.
Skipping shuffle side step swing
we wait for the clock to ding ding ding.
To the left to the right
shuffle front shuffle back
turn around touch your toes
wiggle wiggle and away we go!!


[I'm not really sure what this is. I just typed something that describes the bubbly mood I'm in internally. If you can figure it out or decode anything from it go for it, and let me know what you get]

Education

Grades are out and no comment on mine. As I peruse Facebook I see many persons advertising their grades of getting all A's or maintaining an A average throughout their final year at university. Congrats to them. I seem to treasure other things related to the school experience not necessarily more than the academic side of school but at least on the same level as it.

I've butted heads with people about this but I've heard so many other persons say such to support my view. It's not what you learn in the classroom but the experiences you endure while at school that you remember when you leave. I'm a very active person on campus. I've created a name for myself of being responsible, responsible, hard working and creative. There probably are other things people say about me, good and bad, but those are the ones I know. I take pride in these labels because I believe that those couldn't be expressed through my academic work, not because I'm not the greatest student, but because it's not the best way to prove that about myself. There are persons that their academic involvement can carry them to whatever they want to do, and other persons like me that have the academic involvement but are more engaged and expressive in the extra curricula setting. I like what I do through my extra curricular activities. What I do through my academics...that's another story. It's a love hate relationship. That's the best way I can describe it. I can't have all that I want in my studies because my university doesn't offer it, orrrrrr the professor cannot supply it. There are courses that are fabulously interesting content wise, but the professors are not stimulating enough for me. Likewise there are course that I take that the content doesn't attract me, but the professors at least hold my interest to give a hoot. The major problem comes when both bads come together, and there's a course where the content does not interest me and the professor is not engaging enough for me to be interested. I won't lie, I struggle to remain focussed. It's difficult but I try my hardest and I have good friends who remind me of the big picture when I see the one dot.

The world we live in is heavily based on having an education, although getting one is easier said than done. A lot pf people think that university is the best thing in the world. I don't. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't get a higher education. What I am saying is that there are options available. College provides a more hands on, practical experience which might have been a better option for me, who knows. And some people are lucky to have jobs that give them training as they go. It's good to explore your options and most importantly do what YOU want to do, not what someone else wants you to do. If you have no interest in it, it's going to be extremely difficult for you to remain focussed and motivated. Forget about everyone else. When it comes to your education, you don't want to have regrets (like certain people...cough cough). Go with what you are genuinely interested in and possibly have a passion for. You will excel easily and will be happy.


Please feel free to comment below :)

Thanks!!

Blogging

This may be one of those totally random and okkk why did she feel the need to type this and share it with us posts. Please be advised.

I like blogging. Justifiably I do think there are some posts I would like to delete, but for some reason I haven't gotten rid of them yet. I like being able to express myself, to share thoughts, feelings, my opinion with people...even if it's people I may or may not know or be aware of their presence on the blog.

When I began this blog it was suppose to be a space for me to "dance through different and new experiences and share that journey with everyone." I think my blog has evolved to just a general place of sharing. Sadly, I have no idea who reads my blogs regularly, occasionally or even seldom because people don't comment on the posts. It truly surprises me when people meet me or send me a message on Facebook to say I love your blog or that last post was really good. I wonder why they don't just comment. If you're one of those people leave a comment. It really makes my day when people comment on my posts, because then I know people actually read it. I know it's not the greatest blog in the world, and a lot of the times I ramble (actually no that's not true) and some posts are really simple. Not everything in life is complex. Some things really are simple.

If this is your first time reading a post I suggest looking through the archives lol. This might not be my best work. If it isn't and you're a regular, thanks for taking the trip inside my mind. If you're thinking of starting a blog but don't know what you'd blog about, don't let that stop you. Go for it. Take your time creating it. By the time you're done designing and decorating it you might have an idea of what you want to blog about.

Anywhos, I'm gonna end this post lol. I think I've tortured you enough.


You were warned.

Spirit

Regrets.

We should live without them,
but I can't help feeling like I've made mistakes
mistakes that I shouldn't have made,
things I should have done.

Maybe I should have risked it all
my sanity, time, energy, heart and soul
and pursued those dreams,
done what I loved,
what I wanted to do.

I keep moving forward in partial happiness.
Money temporarily satisfies me
but it doesn't make me happy.
I search for happiness in my "young" age.

I close my eyes while the music plays and even before the lids kiss I envision myself skipping along a stage.
Why did I give it up?
Why didn't I try harder?
I feel like these thoughts of "what am I doing here? why am I doing this? does this make me happy?" runs through my mind too many times.
So many times that I can't think of anything else but the possibility.
The what ifs.

What if I were happy?

Tell Me

Would you be happy for me
if I thought I found someone new.

Someone that makes me smile the way you used to
Someone that causes my eyes to bare no lies
Someone that makes me forget and live
spin
dance and
feel.

Would you be happy for me?

The World Is Reading

I needed to rant and could have easily opened up my blog and posted it there, but I decided not to do so. Instead I opened up Facebook, when into my notes and scribbled it down as a draft, never to be published.

Whatever you post on the internet is somehow permanent; written for the world to behold. Now praises and good reviews for sure can be shared easily, but when it comes down to venting we need to be careful. Maybe you need to write it down and burn the paper you wrote it on, or say it to a tree or wall. If you type something up you never know who's going to read it.

Even these posts for both my blogs. I have 6 official followers for this blog and 1 official one for The Spotted Fashionista, but that doesn't mean that many other people don't stumble across my blog and check out what I've written. You never know who's eyes are watching and reading your thoughts, aspirations and disgruntling moments.

With that being said, I'm about to delete that draft now that my chest is clear.

Peace!!

Random Post

Hello all,

For some odd reason I feel the need to post the following things as "reminders" or "advice." It's said God works in mysterious ways right? Who knows?

Ok! So I think it is important to

1. Brush your teeth as many times a day as possible. Why limit it to just twice a day? If you can do it after every meal, why wouldn't you? Everyone loves fresh breath =D
2. Floss daily. Again why not twice a day? In the morning and before bed? It's advised that you floss before bed because it's during your sleep the crazy stuff happens in your mouth.
3. Drink water!! Back in the day when I was younger (hahaha I just wanted to say that) I drank a lot more water and used a lot less pain killers. It was my modus operandi to only use pain killers for two things - toothaches and back aches. If it wasn't one of those, I would drink water and call it a day. My threshold for pain obviously was a lot higher then. I think I definitely will have to return to that... 
4. Learn to treat yourself, yourself. I'm all for pampering yourself, but why not do it yourself? You for one save money and two it's a good skill to use on other people. Learn to give yourself a pedicure, a manicure, your own make up, shape your own eyebrows, whatever...you get the picture. Why not learn to do it yourself? Plus it gives you something to do.
5. Clean regularly. Don't wait for things to get dirty to clean. I think I need to keep telling myself this one lol. Don't wait till my room is like a sty to clean it. Take half an hour every day or every week and just clean. Vacuum the carpet, dust, laundry, fold clothes. There's so much to do and if you stay on top of it, you can't feel overwhelmed by it. Right?
6. Challenge yourself creatively. I'm working on making a skirt from a shirt on my other blog [The Spotted Fashionista - http://thespottedfashionista.blogspot.com/ (Kerol this is for you lol)] I think this keeps me going, leeps my mind moving. I get bored easily. So whether it's sewing, baking, cooking, reading, writing, drawing, reworking your wardrobe, challenge yourself.
7. Don't suppress your inner child. Why the frankincense would you want to do that? Take out a piece of paper and doodle, then get crayons and colour it. It's so healthy for you to be in touch with your inner child. Don't judge yourself and be a perfectionist. Let the imperfections shine through and embrace them. Who wants to be perfect anyway??
8. Take a walk. Even if it's winter (amen it's spring now) open the window for a few minutes, take a walk. The "fresh" air will do you good.
9. Sing.
10. Dance

That's all I can come up with now. Get a glass of water and let's toast. To random posts that remind us of the simple things *Cheers!*