I know it, yet still I do contrary. After 8 years of being there for me, of frustrating me, almost getting me in trouble, making me laugh, smile and turning red like a tomato, you would think I would get it. You would think you would get it.
I don't know what to do. I want to love you and give you all of me...but the more I try and the more I think about it, the more I am beginning to think that maybe it shouldn't be. You love me for me. You see my genius, my brilliance, my beauty, my splendor, yet still I don't see half of what you see and I try to change like a sheep to please you.
We can't get married; not now, not soon. It's not that I don't love you, I do, and maybe I love you too much. But the reason why it can't happen is because I will never be happy, if now. I'm too fragile and malleable at this point and you need a rock, Xena Warrior Princess. Until that point when I can handle my own and be a strong woman not around everyone - just around you, then and only then will we be able to join in a union.
Having you end the argument is not the way for us to do things. It doesn't mean that I won. Getting you mad or flustered is not winning. This is not winning.
Sigh. Our relationship is frustrating me. I want it to work for me.
So much to learn. So much room to grow.
Your Nefertiti
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