This may apply to other Caribbean Islands but I'm going to refer to my country of Saint Lucia for this.
I was having a discussion with a few ladies, one of Spanish heritage and the other from the Dominican Republic. The conversation started with me currently being single and having been single for some time. I said I don't know why no one at Trent, at least, has approached me, but then again I've been told I'm intimidating. Personally I find that hard to believe but hey, I know me. The two ladies then proceeded to say THEY AGREED! When they first met me they were intimidated by me. So of course I had to find out why. They both said I have such a strong and powerful personality and I carry myself well that it can be perceived as something to be intimidated by. We dropped off the first young lady and the conversation continued. Laura, who is in a relationship with a Saint Lucian man, said she had noticed that all the Saint Lucian women at Trent are that way. She also said that her boyfriend said that's how Saint Lucian women are. It had never crossed my mind until then that maybe that IS how Lucian Women are raised - to be strong willed, determined women. Of course there are all exceptions to every rule, but generally speaking, what is your view on the matter?
Do you think that Saint Lucian woman may come across as intimidating to some but are overall strong minded, have a powerful demeanor, and are a bit hardcore? Do share.
Thanks for reading
-The Empress
I agree to a point, I think some Caribbean women can be seen as being intimidating. But I dont see it as an excuse for men to use to not approach you. Maybe you should ask the men in Trent and see what they think ??
ReplyDeleteI have been asking but I for sure will continue asking. Why do you think Caribbean women are perceived as intimidating? What about them makes people, both male and female (and in between) feel intimidated?
DeleteLove the topic Shani. I was just in a discussion with a Saint Lucian woman who worked her way to great stature within her organization in NY. She's amazingly attractive, finds time for everyone and volunteers a lot of her time, but is somehow single. She is one of a few Saint Lucian women whom I know to be single while being the perfect catch (blush now) but one of the many I know who do not meet the criteria of women who "need" a man or anyone to validate them. I love that quality so much that it's one of the main reasons I love my wife. Saint Lucian women are very resolute women regardless of their state in life. I've seen women with what seems like nothing send their children to school and hold the house together while men struggle and seek to nurse bruised egos. It's a woman thing I think, but the Lucian woman knows that her place is next to her man and not 2 steps behind him like some of the cultures we're exposed to when we tune in or travel, and we have our own subdued bravado to us. No grand charge. I love my people!
ReplyDeleteAhhhh I love this response. Thank you Kirchner. I think the point you made of "...the Lucian woman knows that her place is NEXT TO HER MAN and not 2 steps behind him..." might be the determining factor. This notion could be the basis for the feeling of intimidation. Many Lucian women I know including myself have big dreams and want a man that has dreams and aspirations as well. We don't settle for a man, we select a partner who can keep us motivated and inspired in the face of difficulty and more.
DeleteThanks for you comment!!
I love this response. I do agree with it. Men sometimes want a woman who needs him and when faced with women who dont seem to need him, label her intimidating...that label isnt always a bad thing but... Maybe you should go out and get who you want Shani ! Or find that man who isnt afraid of a challenge like yourself.... :) xx
DeleteThis discussion is one that I think has a lot of validity in this world. Great topic Shani. My response is this, much like the people before me, women in the Caribbean are raised differently from women elsewhere in the world. We could attempt to find the cause of this as rooted in our ancestry, but I also believe it has more to do with many of the individuals in our landscapes. Women here from the Caribbean have made sacrifices to be here, whether it be job opportunities, financial security, family ties, etc. Therefore thrusting them into positions where they need to be strong willed and what some might concur to be intimidating. These women through no fault of their own have made it very difficult to be approachable based on these traits. We as an international community have a lot at risk being here therefore we work harder than anyone else and many times relationships are our sacrifice.
DeleteThanks Lucie. Great points. I think the next question is why don't some men appreciate the fact that this woman (whoever she is) is a hard worker? When and why is strength and determination perceived as an undesired trait?
DeleteI think it has to do with their initial expectation for women. If you expect one thing and you get something else, your ability to handle the unexpected is undetermined. Why go for what you do not understand, when you could easily go for something that is easily understood. Which in my opinion explains why the relationships that develop here happen within similar cultural backgrounds, so TACSU members generally date other TACSU members because of their mutual understanding as to what expect. It is not that strength and determination are undesired but they are unexpected and some people haven't determined how to deal with them.
DeleteLegitimate point. Thanks Lucie!
DeleteSo true. Took this one to the ultimate forum for uplifting discussions, my barber shop, and came our with this funny story. African man in counselling because Barbadian wife makes him wash dishes! Buddy didn't know the coocoo and flying fish had terms and conditions.
ReplyDelete^^^^^ = ^_^ ... he didnt know! lol.
ReplyDeleteAs per original topic, this just happens to be a comment I've recieved as well. which immediately causes me to go- :s (?) Me? As it related to the questions, here's an experience i had 24hrs ago.
Yesterday my Rotaract Club had a Leadership and Self esteem seminar for students in secondary schools. One speaker, a Rotarian of our parent club, who also happens to be of foreign nationality, (Swedish me thinks) made an extremely interesting point as it related to St. Lucian women. He told the girls that he believed, the lack of a solid father figure in some homes, caused mothers to take up the dual parenting roles and in doing so, they became examples to their daughters on how to be strong women, even without mentioning that this was the example to follow. As a result we have the upcoming generations of young women emerging more and more as leaders in their various circles.
That was a (!) moment. And it made sense. I'd heard this point before, in a different context, where it was used to illustrate the negativity of not having a father figure. This gentleman however raised an excellent point.
Now you may say, what of persons who have excellent male figures in their lives? Well they have women, who have been touched in some way by the afore mentioned situation. Perhaps its a grandmother who worked hard to raise the mother who married and had you. The mindset would be passed on to the daughter, and then to you. Powerful influence to an already well adjusted young woman. It could be a friend who had a mom balancing both roles. You saw the dynamics of it, your friends mindset positively impacted yours etc.
Bit by bit, we came to the place where we see ourselves as Kirchner put it "next to her man and not 2 steps behind him like some of the cultures we're exposed to". The beauty of this is that in 2012 it isn't even directly about equality , but that this is the mindset of the current generations, created through the teachings influenced by the experiences of women in our lives.
This may just explain why when persons point out that we are a tad intimidating the immediate reaction is (?) really?
Now whats a single girl to do? I say nothing. The mere fact that your friends admitted to you your initial intimidating personality is proof of it. Although you made them go O.O in the beginning, they were able to adjust to you, and your Shaniisms, and two jigs and a tango later, friendship. Good ones at that no? Then they were the friends meant for you. Partners methink find you in a similar fashion. If friends see the gem in you, your dude, the Ni to your Sha, will too. After all, whats love without friendship? Who knows, perhaps he has, and like your friends is a lil O.O for now. :D
Not promoting the Prince Charming mentality though, just an example. Also though I used you as an example, meant it in a more general sense:)
My Sunday morn mental doodle.... Great topic indeed.
WOW! I greatly appreciate this discussion Keba. Excellent contribution
DeleteThis view about St. Lucian women being intimidating seems to be the general consensus at colleges especially very diverse ones. This would not be the first time that I give some input on this topic. Actually, we may at times seem more aggressive than intimidating to other natives. While it may be true that some St. Lucian women are intimidating this is not deliberate. The thing is, our Lucian society has placed so much emphasis on shaping us to be intellectuals that in the pursuit of knowledge we sometimes lose this social connect that would enhance interaction. As for the latter part of the question we are definitely strong minded and possess a powerful demeanor much to our advantage.
ReplyDelete