When We Think We Are Alone

Sit from the tinted window
looking down at my world.
Observe me wander in circles,
stop momentarily
you hold your breath
in the hopes
that I will shed a tear.
And I feel it coming
as if probed by you
but come it never does,
so I continue walking in circles
intersecting another one.

Just Because

I feel like I haven't blogged in a while, so I will take some time today to ramble a little. Take some time to clear my head. It's been a crazy few weeks and the next few days are going to be even crazier. Organising a show such as Cultural Outreach is a great privilege and I am glad that I got the opportunity to do such. But with everything in life we cannot please everybody. So right now I am running into unpleased persons.

I think organising the show has really taught me a few lessons about myself.

The first thing I have learnt is that I need to learn to delegate more. I should not be so stressed if I am co-chairing this event. I should have delegated more responsibilities to more people from the beginning and that has added unnecessary weight to my plate.

The second thing I have learnt about myself is that I am an angry person. Or should I say I get angry too quickly. My fuse is short and sometimes the anger and disgruntlement lasts for a long period of time. I'm not sure how I go about fixing this. I have gotten angry and not reacted in anger, but instead calmed down before responding to the source of the anger. I think that's a good power. It's good to have the capacity to not react in anger but to stop, think logically and then respond. But what is wrong with expressing the emotion anger? Come to think of it, it's good to express anger. I guess the problem is not that I am expressing anger, but with the frequency and intensity of that anger. Yes. That sounds about right. But how does one deal with people who, as we say back home, rub you the wrong way? That is something I have to learn.

There might have been other lessons learnt but those are the ones I wanted to mention and possibly explore. In everything we do there are lessons to be learnt.

Happy school days!!

Looped Love

He is back.

I know it is him

for I know the sound of his keys in the door,

I know the sound of his footsteps along the floor.

And I lay paralyzed in bed

by his presence.

He leans over and touches my face

gently caressing my skin.

He kisses my cheek

and bids me hello.

"Hello my darling, how I have missed you."

Kiss the lips of my heart

and make it's eyes quiver.

You love me;

for if you didn't

You wouldn't be back so many times.

Vocab Upgrade

The word for the day is acquiesce.

Definition: (verb) to assent tacitly; submit or comply silently or without protest; agree; consent

Used in a sentence - Mother asked me to do chores and although I didn't want to I acquiesced

The Truth

Windows to my soul

I let you peep through

and dive into

the sea hovered by storms

of various emotions

swishing and swirling

from hurricane to calm

in a split second.

You wanted to see

You wanted to experience

You wanted to solve

the mystery

that lies

behind my eyes.

Cross Cultures, Cross Boundaries

Music is the language of all. I have no idea what this song is saying, I just know I love the feeling it gives me when I listen to it. I hope you can enjoy it as much as I do...and maybe somebody can tell me what it's about hahaha.

Sometimes Love Just Isn't Enough

Sometimes love just isn't enough
to calm the nerves of my heart.

I am being unreasonable by wanting your full attention once we converse?

Sometimes love just isn't enough
to soothe the anxiety in my mind.

My preference is no extras although I'm the extra...and I know I will be told otherwise but I don't care. I know what is in my mind.

Sometimes love just isn't enough
to rid this feeling of loneliness creeping on me, making me realise that no matter how much love we have you will never be mine.

And even though I dream and dream, day in and day out, hallucinate and pray, it will never be so. I will never be that face you see every morning when you awake. I will never be that body holding you tight in the middle of the night. It will never be my spirit that is taken to higher heights in the middle of the night. It will never be me and I'm just going to have to live with that. Going to have to live with that reality.

Sometimes love isn't enough to change reality.

John Mayer - Daughters

This is a lovely song. I can't call myself a John Mayer fan, but I can say that I do enjoy the songs I have heard from him. This one is one of those that have stuck with me.

Enjoy =)

A Day of Love

Who would have thought I would do a Valentine's Day post...certainly not me. But I woke up this morning, opened the door and walked into the kitchen to see this

and I smiled. She reminded of what Valentine's Day really is about - appreciating those who are close and dear to you. This simple gesture really put a pep in my step today. And although I missed two buses and was chilly while waiting for the bus I still had a little smile on my face because I knew that I was loved and appreciated by someone.

I never have a valentine and I've grown to be fine with that. When I was younger I really wanted to have one. I really wanted someone to give me flowers and chocolates or just some sort of a something, but as I've gotten older it really doesn't matter to me anymore. If I were in a relationship I'm not sure I would expect anything on Valentine's Day because the "love" or whatever appreciation we had for each other would be felt every day not just on one specific day.

To those of you who celebrate it "Happy Valentine's Day"

To those of you who celebrate V-day's twin sister "Happy Singles Awareness Day"

Where Are You Going?!

I sit at my desk and feel a little sad and worried. It's almost mid-February! Where has this semester gone? Where has this school gone? Time really has no breaks.

My attitude towards my school work is fairly passive right now and I'm not sure how to kick myself in the butt and shift to a more active role. This is really bothering me. I had such a wonderful semester last year, and I was so proud of myself. Then this semester, I'm back to the same old shit (pardon my French) as before. I need to devise a better, more consistent system for this. This school thing...sometimes I do wonder if it's for me, but at this point I have no choice but to suck it up and complete it.

I can do this. I will do this. And it will be done well.