758 - We Large!!

Hello Hello!!

I could say this is my boy yea yea rae-tae-tae but I won't. I will however say that I do know this young man Kayo and I love this song. By the first 5 seconds I knew I'd love it.

Anyways, I'm doing choreography for my school's dance team and was determined to use his music. I shared it with my captains and fellow choreographers and I believe my wish will be granted!! Woop woop!

Have a listen to this one and of course all his others. Let me know what you think of this one in the comments below, and if you love the music like I do, you can download the tracks off of iTunes.

Holla!

The Empress

False Witness

Show of hands, how many people hate liars? I know I do! The primary reason why I hate liars is because I feel like my trust has been taken for granted. When I converse with someone I speak the truth or maybe I should say I try not to lie, and hence I assume that the person I am conversing with is also telling the truth/trying not to lie.

I think this is a very crucial point especially when you've just met somebody. Tell me, how the frankincense are you going to lie to me about simple things when you're trying to establish a bon/relationship with me? Now I don't mean relationship like man-woman-lovers relationship, I'm talking interaction between people relationship. I met this guy recently and he seemed cool and all. We've been talking quite a bit, can't wait to meet up again, rae-tay-tay (blah blah blah in other words) and then I find out this guy lied about something as simple as a Facebook account.....O_o yes, I said it - A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT! What ya got to hide bud?? He said he didn't have one and I immediately said cool. I know a few people who don't have Facebook accounts so that's normal to me. But somehow it didn't sit well with my gut. A few weeks later I randomly decided to search his name. Figured it would be interesting to see the other people in the world that had his name (yes I actually, genuinely believed that...I google my friends all the time - no I'm not creepy ]=  ) then lo and behold, his profile shows up with a picture of him so I can't say maybe it was someone else lol. How do you think I felt? How would you feel?!?! Interesting... Of course I get on edge and begin to doubt everything this guy's said to me. My trust in you has immediately been  broken and luckily for you partially lost. I don't think this guy realises how hard it is to get my trust back, but I continue. So I call him out on it and I get some excuse about him not using it much. I still don't buy in although I answer alright, cool cool to him. My mind is wondering what are you trying to hide?? Then he confesses he lied about his age and is actually 5 years younger than he originally said. I let that slide. Age is but a number, but this still doesn't change the fact that I think you're shady. Then he asks me what lies do I have to fess up to...-_- excuse me?? I enjoy a good laugh and good prank so I said I was actually born a man and had a sex change 3 years ago. Of course this guy probably shit his pants. Then I quickly told him it was a joke (see the difference). I also let him know that I don't lie.

Even after that confession session, I am still having doubts about this guy. I still cannot trust him completely. I'm not dismissing what has happened because my gut tells me there's something not right, something untrue, but still I'm not sending him packing. What am I not seeing? I want to know!!

How would you react if you were in my shoes? What do you think I should do? Leave a comment below and remember to check back for a response =)

Remember:

If you have nothing to hide, why lie?

The Empress 

Visual Motivation

When setting a goal it's good to have a model to work towards. Right now I'm working on my figure (yes I know so many people now want to beat me up for saying that, but!! in my defense, I don't care what you think of my figure. My view is all that matters. It's not like I'm going to become anorexic or anything...I love food too much and hate regurgitating way too much), so I have sourced some photos to help me remember this is what I'm working towards. And knowing me...I won't get there lol. I'll get half way and be satisfied and work to maintain the half way mark hahahaha.

But in any case, what makes you happy right? The next post will be on exercises and general things you can do to help you get a figure like that, or like mine if you think mine is amazing already.

from http://www.workoutplansforwomen.com/ab-workouts-for-women/

from http://www.nowloss.com/how-to-get-a-flat-stomach-abs-like-jessica-alba.htm

from http://www.thetruthaboutcorestrength.com/pilates-ants/

from http://www.healblog.net/body/stomach-crunches-for-a-flatter-stomach/

I visited all these sites to see what information they have on ab workouts and truth be told, only the first link seemed to have given me something I would put my name on. You can check out the others and see how you feel about them, but I'm gonna stick with the good old fashion exercises suggested in the first link.

Friendship and Reciprocity

I'm not sure how many times I spoke about my expectations regarding friendship but I shall speak about it today.

I was having a conversation with a buddy of mine, Mike (not a sexual buddy for the record) and he mentioned some difficulty he was experiencing. My response to him was don't let it get to you. You tried and it's not working out. You have other things you need to focus your attention on; and furthermore, you should just surround yourself with positive people. No time for negativity. Later on that night I got into an argument and needed some moral and emotional support from a friend. Another friend of mine (Ashni) came to my rescue and gave me just what I needed whether or not I wanted it. I am so grateful for friends who are able to help me in my time of weakness; friends who can tell me what I would say to them if the tables were turned. Ashni provided a viewing of reality and the truth. Although I haven't cried enough yet (which isn't that good. I completely support and condone crying), I did cry and I have began healing.

I know that Mike would have been able to help me out the way Ashni did and again I say I am grateful to those persons I have in my life that I can lean on, count on, cry on and laugh with. These people help to make life worth living.

To all my friends, buddies, peoples I know, acquaintances, etc. Thank You for being in my life and making it worth living.

"To have a friend is to be a friend"

 Shani Vee

The Empress

Real Talk

I know we agreed to not talk about this again but I need to clear my chest so I can move on.

I know it, yet still I do contrary. After 8 years of being there for me, of frustrating me, almost getting me in trouble, making me laugh, smile and turning red like a tomato, you would think I would get it. You would think you would get it.

I don't know what to do. I want to love you and give you all of me...but the more I try and the more I think about it, the more I am beginning to think that maybe it shouldn't be. You love me for me. You see my genius, my brilliance, my beauty, my splendor, yet still I don't see half of what you see and I try to change like a sheep to please you.

We can't get married; not now, not soon. It's not that I don't love you, I do, and maybe I love you too much. But the reason why it can't happen is because I will never be happy, if now. I'm too fragile and malleable at this point and you need a rock, Xena Warrior Princess. Until that point when I can handle my own and be a strong woman not around everyone - just around you, then and only then will we be able to join in a union.

Having you end the argument is not the way for us to do things. It doesn't mean that I won. Getting you mad or flustered is not winning. This is not winning.

Sigh. Our relationship is frustrating me. I want it to work for me.

So much to learn. So much room to grow.

Your Nefertiti

The Verdict

I have deleted the newest blog and will keep Dancer's Feet and The Spotted Fashionista. Anything that I would have had to say in Green Eyes. Green Heart can be said here and tagged appropriately.

Thanks for bearing with me and my decisions.

The Jury Is Still Out

I'm still trying to decide what to do with my blogs. I currently have THREE and I think something needs to go. My latest blog is geared towards my major - an avenue to develop my professional opinion and share it with the world. I think that one is not working for me. It doesn't feel like the right move to make. Instead I could just use this blog to discuss such topics, so I might just delete that blog. And my fashion blog...it hasn't been really active either, but I'm not sure I want to transfer my fashion ideas to this blog. ARG!!! So many decisions!!

What do you suggest? What do you think I should do?

Life, According to Bill Gates

My mom sent me this email and I wanted to share it with you.

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about eleven (11) things they did not and will not learn in school.

 

He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!  

Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. 

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.  

  

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.
 
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
 
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room..
  
Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.

*This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
 
 Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF.

*Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
 

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds.Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Self Servicing

Whether you call it self servicing, alone time, or a date with pam and/or pamela, masturbating is actually beneficial to your health (and to some people, their sanity).

Some benefits of masturbation (for women) include:

• Relieves urinary tract infections and helps prevents cervical infections
• Lowers your risk of type-2 diabetes
• Improves your cardiovascular health

Some benefits for men include:

• Stimulates the immune system
• Decreases the incidence of prostrate cancer

Some benefits to both men and women include:

• Relieves stress and improves our mood
• Relieves insomnia
• Knowing what arouses you sexually. Having sex and not knowing what really turns you on and off is not enjoyable for your partner, nor for yourself. Taking time to masturbate and explore your sexual desires helps you decide what's a "oh yes baby!" and a "ummm can you stop that"

As with everything in life, if you overdo it, there are some serious problems. I'll let you look up those for yourself

And because there is because I can, a video from @ThatDudeMCFLY and @LaithHPoetry on masturbation

So go forth into a comfortable place and play with yourself!! Enjoy!!

The benefits of masturbation were taken from http://www.womentowomen.com/sexualityandfertility/healthbenefitsofmasturbation.aspx and http://www.spermbankcalifornia.com/male-masturbation.html

Natural Belle: The Documentary: Dark Girls

Every so often I come across something that is well worth sharing. This is something you SHOULD watch, and we can possibly have a discussion on it.

Natural Belle: The Documentary: Dark Girls: "Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo ."

Seeds We Sow

Kaiso!! It's the carnival season in Saint Lucia and calypso is a major part of the festivities. It is common place for calypsos to act as social commentaries, addressing the issues we face in the country and this one is no exception.

My good friend and colleague Chanel Christophe has co-written an excellent kaiso alongside the performer of the piece - Ronald Francis called Seeds We Sow. This calypso was performed for the Inter-commercial House Calypso Competition. I do not know if this piece won, but I surely hope the message of the piece was received.

Enjoy.

Hair Scans

I really love this tumblr blog - http://hairscans.tumblr.com/

I submitted one of my own scans, after trying to figure out how the heck do I use my scanner to do scans...you would think it would be as simple as pressing the Scan button on the device but nooooo it isn't. Anyways, I digress. This is the scan I submitted entitled "Floral and Naps"

I also did another one that I did not submit but will share with you

And yes I know that I could have rotated them, but I like them in this orientation. I shall continue to experiment with the hair scans adding petals, grass, fabric, words, etc to it until I have my very own hair scan portfolio.


What do you think about the idea of hair scans? Let me know...leave a comment below!

xxxo
Shani Vee

Blown Like An Appliance

There's something about the truth that gets under your skin.

I don't usually do two posts in a day, but this! this I had to share. It could not wait.

My dear friend Daryl Dujon, posted this link on my Facebook wall and I must admit that when I was done reading and listening I didn't know what to do with myself. It was like I was in a coma and I had just woken up. Simply amazing. I beg you, have a look and listen to this - http://arcthemagazine.com/arc/2011/07/de-art-junket-presents-armed-with-words/ - comment here, comment there, circulate the link, make it a discussion. Wow...I can't even finish typing. My mind is still trying to collect itself after that.

WOW!


Just, just go check it out. You won't regret it.

I'm A Big Kid Now

Part of me wants to say I wish I were a child again, or I wish I didn't have to be an adult and grow up. But I know, if I say that, it will be a lie. I do enjoy being an adult and making certain decisions. Obviously some decisions are not as simple as chocolate cake or chocolate ice cream, and some require more thought and processing.

A "friend" of mine (yes, I'm back with the quotation marks) suggested that I come to visit him. If I bought the airline ticket he would take care of accommodation and everything else during my stay. Having not spent any quality time with my "friend" I jump at the opportunity. I start looking at flights and look at my schedule to see when can I get the cheapest flight out of my available "vacations." I found one available in October and said okay I'm coming then. We're both very excited at the opportunity to be engrossed in each other completely for 10 days. When all of this happened, I was dead broke and knew I had a good pay cheque coming in the following week, so I wasn't too worried about it. As time passed, and the days went by, getting closer and closer to when I receive my wages, reality started to sink in. If reality were a person, I'd punch it right there and then, but alas it's not. The truth started to creep around me like fog coming from a harbor or smoke from burning incense. The reality is that I have other responsibilities I should take care of. I don't want to say instead of spending it on a plane ticket to go somewhere. I should be helping my dad who is my provider while at university. I mean my dad has been there for me well before university, so if I can help him out and ease his load, why not right? I also a bit of debt that if I can, I should pay off right? All these things start sinking in and I beginning to subconsciously weigh in everything. The final decision is that I am not travelling, or at least not as intended, and I am going to be responsible and adult as my "friend" put it and pay my school fees or something of that sort.

This was a difficult decision for me because I have matured and I have become more responsible mentally. If I hadn't I would have easily said I don't care, I want to travel, I want to see my "friend," I'm going. But because of this maturity and this growth the reality and needs were stacked up against the wants and although there were close, the needs won. It's tough being an adult, but even with that, I still don't think I'd want to wear baby diapers again.

And it hit me...

I have this "friend" (and yes I did use quotation marks) that really inspires me. By day he is a mild mannered mail man but by night he transforms into...okay I'm just being silly. My "friend" (yes I am going to use quotation marks every time) is a poet, singer and in my mind at least an activist. He's an artsy kinda man and he inspires me to continue exploring the arts.

I was speaking to him this morning and said "you know last night just before I fell asleep I was thinking I wish I could sing as well as you do, and could write amazing things like you do. Then I thought about us and it hit me (like a tonne of bricks) that I actually complement you. You sing and write poetry and I dance. How cool would it be if we performed together?" [that was more or less the conversation...although there are quotes that's not exactly how it went down, anyways...I digress]. It was in that moment I realised hey, I'm not half as bad as I think I am. I may not be able to write emotion evoking poetry or sing like the angels in heaven, but what I can do if paired with those talents that I don't have, can create something so amazingly beautiful that it's okay if I can't do those things. What I can do, if I do it beyond the best of my ability will carry me to be beautifully creative and an emotion evoking dancer. And I smiled (a big wide toothy smile) and felt proud of my contribution to life.

We may admire and even desire things in others. Sometimes we can work and develop such skills and/or talents that we admire, and other times we can't. We should look within ourselves and see what can add to that pot that we so desire, to create something even more amazing, even more beautiful, even more inspiring.

Be inspired. 
Go forth and inspire.

The Addiction

My addiction continues
until I OD and get over you
but only for a moment, relative to the movement of time
for in time
I'll be back, hooked on your every word,
your every desire;
hanging from your every thought
and every conversation.

My addiction continues
possibly until death
or some sort of an overload
from which I can no longer return.
My addiction continues,
but there must be a reason
why I can't get off  this drug.

Seconds,
Minutes,
Hours,
Days, weeks to months go by and I'm fine
until one day I get the sensation
to sample your sweetness
and I forget about the connection
and your power over me.

My drug, my poison,
I love how you consume me.

Life Is A...

Life is a:

• stage. Get ready to perform
• field. Get ready to play
• canvas. Get ready to paint
• plate. Get ready to cook.

Growth

I've said "maybe I''m getting old" but I think it's more of maybe I'm changing. The things that once satisfied me no longer do. I wonder if there's something wrong with me, but it dawned on me that there's nothing wrong with change. I should embrace this change I am experiencing internally. I should explore it and find out what can satisfy me and make me feel good and happy. At this point in my life I need this change, and I need to find out what will my new coordinates be.

To keep myself busy I've start crafting again and have made a few hair fascinators and probably will continue doing them. I'm trying to think what else can I engage in, what else can I explore especially given my current income and responsibilities. I don't have an answer as yet, but until the coordinates are set I will continue to ride the wave of change.

Wish me luck.